For Young Adults, Cell Phones Don’t Necessarily Improve Social Ties

The telephone is an important tool for staying in touch with friends and family, especially for people living far away from loved ones. And while modern cell phones allow for pretty much constant communication, they also have many other uses—not all of which promote social interaction. In fact, a new study suggests that for some people, cell phone use may lead to alienation rather than connectedness.

The research, conducted at Kent State University and published in the journal Computers in Human Behavior, looked at the cell phone habits of 493 college students, along with their feelings about their parents and peers. They found significant differences in usage between men and women, as well as the ways that usage affected relationships.

Female students spent an average of 365 minutes a day using their phones, making about six calls and sending and receiving roughly 265 text messages. When researchers looked at the effect of these behaviors on the women’s relationships, they found that talking on the phone with parents and texting with friends were both tied to feelings of emotional closeness.

Men, on the other hand, sent only 190 texts on average and spent only 287 minutes total on their phones (They made about the same number of calls.) And when it came to their relationships, it didn’t seem to matter how often they talked or texted: Neither habit was related to feelings of closeness, with parents nor with friends.

These results suggest that women may get more social value out of their phones than men do, says lead author Andrew Lepp, PhD, and that they may be better at using them to complement existing relationships. But the study could not show a causation between cell phone use and stronger social ties; it could also be that women who have strong relationships are simply more motivated to use their phones to connect with those people.

For both genders, however, cell phone use also had a darker side: “Problematic” use, defined as a recurrent craving to use a cell phone during inappropriate times, such as driving a car or at night when you should be sleeping, was associated with lower levels of trust and communication—and higher levels of alienation—within students’ networks.

“In other words, the students in the study who tended to use their cell phones compulsively and at inappropriate times felt less socially connected to parents and peers than other students,” said Lepp in a press release.

As a possible explanation, the authors suggest that cell-phone use for purposes other than texting and calling—such as browsing the Internet and playing games—could be replacing face-to-face communication and other meaningful forms of relationship building. Social media may also fit into this category, they write, since research has shown that these types of interactions cannot completely satisfy people’s social needs they way real-life interactions can.

More research is needed to determine whether phone use is really affecting these feelings, or to know if these findings would prove true for other age groups or demographics. But for college students specifically—a group that may be living away from parents and childhood friends for the first time—the authors say that their findings are an important first step.

“College students are avid cell phone users and believe that the device contributes meaningfully to their social lives,” they write. “As this research shows, this belief is likely to be true and false.” Young adults and their parents should think carefully about their cell phone use, they suggest, and consider how it can both help and hinder their social relationships during the important transition to independence and life away from home.

This article originally appeared on RealSimple.com.

How to Boost Your Bedroom Confidence

Q: I never want to have with the lights on. Is that bad?

Not necessarily bad. A lot of people find sex in the dark to be freeing because it allows them to give way to fantasy. However, if what you’re actually saying is you’re too self-conscious to let your see your body when you’re having sex, that’s a different story. Are you hiding in the dark to avoid feeling bad about yourself? Or do you feel awkward about your facial expressions during the heat of the moment? These types of insecurities might be holding you back sexually. While you may be dwelling on whether you look imperfect, I can almost guarantee that your guy is thinking only about how much you turn him on.

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Let’s adjust your perspective: Try looking online at pictures of regular women (not photoshopped images!) such as “before” photos on a plastic surgery website. Take in what a few “normal” bodies look likeobserve the tummies, breasts, butts, or whatever spots you get hung up on about your own body. Then, when you’re alone, stare at yourself naked in a mirror. Gaze at those parts that concern you the most. (You don’t have to stand there and talk yourself up or anything if it feels cheesy.) This often helps correct the inaccurate view that so many of us hold on to.

After this feels comfortable, it’s time to hit the sheets. You may want to wear something sexy that enhances any area you’re uptight about. Not ready to do it beneath fluorescent bulbs quite yet? That’s OK. Don’t expect to feel like a confident sex goddess overnight. Leave on a hallway light during sex, then a bedside lamp. Little by little, you’ll adopt a more positive view of yourself (rememberyou’re doing this for you) that should make sex better and ignite your body confidence outside the bedroom, too. 

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Gail Saltz, MD, is a psychiatrist and television commentator in New York City who specializes in health, sex, and relationships.

Millennials May Not Be the ‘Hookup Generation’ After All

Millennial and iGen 20-somethings are having less sex than Gen X’ers did at the same age, a new study finds, debunking the idea that today’s young adults are growing up more promiscuous than older generations. This is true even though Americans today are more accepting of premarital sex, the study authors say.

“This study really contradicts the widespread notion that Millennials are the ‘hookup’ generation—which is popularized by dating apps like Tinder and others—suggesting that they are just looking for quick relationships and frequent casual sex,” study co-author Ryne Sherman, PhD, associate professor of psychology at Florida Atlantic University, said in a press release.

The research, published today in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, looked at nearly 27,000 responses to the nationwide General Social Survey, which has been used to track social trends for several decades.

Among the 20- to 24-year-olds who were surveyed throughout the years, 15% of those born in the early 1990s—a group commonly known as Millennials and iGens—reported having no sexual partners since turning 18. Only 6% of Generation X members, born in the late 1960s, could say the same. In fact, previous research suggests that the only generation to have less early-adulthood sex than Millennials and iGens was the group born in the 1920s.

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The drop in sexual activity between the Generation X and Millennial groups was larger among women, and not statistically significant among men. It was also larger among Caucasian survey respondents, those who did not attend college, and those in the Eastern United States.

Study co-author Jean M. Twenge, PhD, professor of psychology at San Diego State University, offers several reasons why young adults today may be more hesitant about jumping in the sack—including a theory on how Tinder use could actually backfire.

“Online dating apps should, in theory, help Millennials find sexual partners more easily,” she said in a press release. “However, technology may have the opposite effect if young people are spending so much time online that they interact less in person.”

Education about sexually transmitted diseases and reports of sexual abuse on college campuses may also prompt young adults to be more cautious about their relationships, she says—as well as their alcohol use, which is often linked to sexual activity.

Then there’s the fact that 20-somethings today have more access to pornography and instant entertainment online, and are more likely to live with their parents—all things that could get in the way of (or take the place of) active sex lives.

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In fact, the study did find that Millennials born in the 1990s were less likely to have had sex than those born in the 1980s. It also found that those born in the 1990s have been growing up more slowly in other ways, as well: Fewer get a driver’s license or have paying jobs, for example.

The study results also showed that attitudes about premarital sex have become more accepting over time—but these findings don’t necessarily contradict each other, says Sherman. “Rise in individualism allows young American adults to have permissive attitudes without feeling the pressure to conform in their own behavior,” he says.

Today’s teens also seem to be having less sex. According to the CDC, the percentage of U.S. high school students who have had sex dropped from 54% in 1991 to 41% in 2015.

Few would argue that this isn’t a welcome change, Twenge says. Regarding her study’s findings, however, she’s not so sure about those who hold out into adulthood.

“It’s good news for sexual and emotional health if teens are waiting until they are ready,” she says. “But if young adults forgo sex completely, they may be missing out on some of the advantages of an adult romantic relationship.”

Female Orgasms May Have a Purpose (Other Than Just Fun)

MONDAY, Aug. 1, 2016 (HealthDay News) — The female orgasm—famously faked by Meg Ryan in “When Harry Met Sally”—may have its true roots in evolution as an aid to conception, new research suggests.

In their study, researchers at Yale University noted that while the male orgasm’s role in getting the sperm to meet the egg has long been clear, the female orgasm’s role has been a mystery.

It has no obvious role in the success of reproduction or in the number of children, so scientists have long tried to determine why women have orgasms, said a team led by Yale professor of ecology and evolutionary biology Gunter Wagner.

He and co-researcher Mihaela Pavlicev, of Cincinnati Children’s Hospital, studied other mammals for clues into how the female orgasm evolved. They looked at non-human mammals and focused on a specific reflex that goes along with orgasms in women—release of the hormones prolactin and oxytocin.

In many mammals, this orgasm-linked reflex plays a role in ovulation—specifically, helping to stimulate the release of eggs from the ovaries.

Despite the fact that mammals vary widely today, this trait may have been necessary to ovulation in species that were ancestral to humans. “This [orgasm-linked] reflex became superfluous for reproduction later in evolution, freeing [human] female orgasm for secondary roles,” according to a Yale news release.

The study authors also noted that the clitoris appears to have shifted in anatomical position throughout evolution — so that it now is less likely to be directly stimulated during intercourse.

The study was published Aug. 1 in the journal JEZ-Molecular and Developmental Evolution.

More information

The Society of Obstetricians and Gynecologists of Canada has more on female orgasm.

7 Anxious Thoughts Every Woman Has Had During Sex

“Ah, yikes, that doesn’t feel great.” “Slower, slower, slower.” Sound familiar? Don’t be embarrassed—you’re not the only one who’s had thoughts like these during sex. “We call them intrusive thoughts. We don’t want to have them, but they just come,” explains Megan Fleming, PhD, licensed clinical psychologist who practices marriage counseling and sex therapy in New York City. “What’s important is recognizing how to let go of the thought and refocus the attention on feeling sexy.”

Here are seven of the most common intrusive thoughts, with expert-backed strategies to silence them and bring sexy back.

“I wish he/she were a little better at this.”

If you’re feeling bored in the bedroom—which happens even to the happiest couples—speak up! “What we should be doing is turning ourselves on by helping our partner out,” Fleming suggests. If you love the way your partner caresses your arms or strokes your hair, ask for more. Wish your partner would squeeze your booty more, and pay less attention to your breasts? Tell it like it is—he or she might even be turned on by your directness.  

“It feels like the Sahara down there.”

Lack of lubrication is normal—once in a while. “It happens occasionally to everyone,” says Pari Ghodsi, MD, board certified OB/GYN in Los Angeles, and active Fellow of the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology. (She goes by Dr. Pari.) “But if it’s happening regularly, it’s not normal.” Many things can cause vaginal dryness, including stress, hormonal changes, and even medications you’re taking. Even if you don’t think you need lube, you may be surprised at how the extra slipperiness can spice things up. Try one of Health‘s top lubricant picks—and make an appointment with your doctor to try to pinpoint the underlying issue.

 

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“I have so much laundry to do. I hope this doesn’t take long.”

So little time, so much to do! It’s completely normal to be distracted by your to-do list when you’re trying to get sexy. “Don’t beat yourself up mentally for having these thoughts, but try not to let them run the show,” says Kat Van Kirk, PhD, licensed marriage and sex therapist. It may help to take the time you need to fully unwind when you get home. Pack your lunch and pick out your outfit for the following day, and spend some time relaxing (watch TV, have a glass of wine, catch up on reading) before you get into the sack. Then you’ll be able to really be present and enjoy sex.

“I hope I don’t say my ex’s name out loud.”

Unless you’re seriously hung up on your ex, there’s a low probability you’ll actually shout out his or her name. “This is a lot different than being hung up on an ex—it’s more about the fear of saying their name because of a past sexual experience that may have been the best for you,” says Fleming. But you have to take that thought off the table. Chances are that you’re probably just thinking worst-case scenario. “Remember, sex is a play space, a place for communication and expressing desires and longings,” says Fleming. There’s no room for fear in the bedroom.

“It feels like I’m being stabbed down there.”

If the sex is too rough, you have to say so. “You should communicate with your partner about what feels best and work together to make sex an enjoyable experience for both of you,” Dr. Pari says. What’s not normal: intense pain, or bleeding during or after intercourse. Make an appointment with your doc right away if you have those symptoms. 

“We’re too focused on me. I need to pleasure my partner more.”

It’s important to know and accept that you deserve just as much attention as your partner when it comes to sex. “Self care isn’t selfish,” says Fleming. So instead of only thinking about the need to get your partner off, try relaxing and exploring what really turns you on. Try to be more engaged so you can feel more pleasure, too.

 

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“I’m just not in the mood to have sex.”

Feel like you never want to have sex anymore? “Know your turn-ons and use them,” says Fleming. Maybe you like cooking dinner with your partner and talking about your days prior to hitting the bedroom. Or maybe a massage or a glass of wine beforehand makes you feel sexy. And be sure to prioritize foreplay, says Fleming. This way, your brain will be more engaged and absorbed in the sexual experience. 

10 Fears That Keep Women from Having Amazing Sex

Having lots of sex isn’t just fun—it also has health benefits like soothing stress, boosting immunity, and maybe even extending your lifespan. But for some of us, doing the deed can be a source of guilt, fear, or anxiety. That’s why Superdrug Online Doctor, a London-based telemedicine company, conducted a survey of 2,000 Americans and Europeans to uncover their most serious worries about sex. Here’s what they found:

To learn more about where the top fears women face in the bedroom—and how to tackle them—we sought advice from Emily Morse, a sex and relationship expert and host of podcast Sex with Emily.

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Your partner won’t want to wear a condom

Yes, sex without a wrapper feels different—and, some would argue, better. Still, protecting yourself against STIs and unwanted pregnancy is more important than ensuring your partner an extra few degrees of pleasure. If he insists on going bare, Morse advises snapping back with: “Is no sex more enjoyable?” That way you leave him with absolutely no option, she says. If he wants try to pull the “but you’re on the pill” card, just remind him the pill doesn’t protect against STIs. And don’t be afraid to carry your own supply of sheaths to combat the oh-so common “I don’t have a condom” excuse, advises Morse.

Plus, even though many people assume condoms are major pleasure-busters, there are a ton of great options available, she says. “Definitely play around and find out what you like—I always recommend Skyn condoms, because I’m obsessed with them, but Lifestyles are also great!”

When it comes down to it, you shouldn’t have to spend too much time persuading someone to put on a rubber: “If your partner is offended in any way, or tries to make you feel bad for wanting to wear a condom, I say put your clothes back on!” says Morse.

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Your partner has an STI

“So I know this isn’t the sexiest thing in the world, but try to talk about it beforehand to quell your fear,” says Morse. Granted, not everyone is going to be honest about STIs or even know they have one—whether that’s because they haven’t been tested or they’re a carrier with no sign of symptoms. Which is why it’s crucial to use a condom, just to be safe and give you peace of mind, advises Morse. “Why risk one night to carry around an STD for the rest of your life?”

The condom will break/sex will result in unintended pregnancy

There’s only a slim chance a properly used condom will break, and that shouldn’t keep you from enjoying your bedroom romp. Just take a moment before you get it on to check that the rubber fits properly and is rolled all the way down. “It’s also great to put a little lube on the inside tip so it has enough lubrication,” says Morse. “Sometimes if there isn’t enough lubrication, the condom could break.” Don’t forget about taking the condom off properly: Morse recommends removing it immediately after you’re done by holding on to the base and pulling it off to ensure all sperm stays within the condom.

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Your partner will find your naked body unattractive

Let’s face it: We all have insecurities—whether it’s that pound you gained or dimple on your butt cheek, says Morse. But rather than fixating on these unimportant flaws, try to focus on the pleasure you’re having instead, she advises. The reality is, your partner isn’t paying attention to any of that. “He’s just excited to be there with you and your hot body in the bedroom,” Morse says.

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Your partner will not take “no” for an answer

Before putting yourself in a sexual situation, Morse advises you ask yourself: Do I trust this person? Does he or she make me feel safe? While many women tend to focus their attention on pleasing their partner, she advises flipping the situation on its head and recognizing that if your partner isn’t willing to respect your wishes, then he or she is certainly not someone you want to be with. And, according to Morse, the answer to this fear is simple: “If your partner will not take no for an answer, then you’ve got to put your clothes back on and leave, because you should never give in to something you don’t want to do.”

Your partner will do something you’re not comfortable with

Think about your own personal boundaries before you start taking your clothes off, says Morse. “For example, I am not going to have sex with someone I don’t know; I will not have sex without a condom; I’m not comfortable with anal sex. Whatever it is, you stick with those things,” she advises. Experimenting and trying new things is an important part of a healthy sex life, but again, it should be with someone you know you can trust and who won’t pressure you past your comfort zone.

Plus, it’s important to verbalize your feelings. “Men aren’t mind readers, so it’s really okay to stop and sit up and say things like ‘This is making me feel uncomfortable and I’m not ready for it now,’ or ‘Tonight this just isn’t working for me,’ or, ‘Maybe we can try this instead of that’ for alternatives,’” Morse suggests.

An embarrassing bodily function will occur during sex

Fact: Sex is messy. “There’s going to be any number of things that happen—noises, emissions from your body, liquids—but you just have to laugh it off and keep going,” says Morse.

If your partner is judgmental or grossed out by anything that happens with your body during sex, then they’re likely pretty immature and not someone you want to be with, she points out.

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Your partner won’t have an orgasm or be satisfied

Orgasm shouldn’t be the goal—and if you or your partner doesn’t climax, that doesn’t automatically deem your time between the sheets a failure, explains Morse. “There are a lot of satisfying things that can happen during sex even if you don’t have an orgasm.”

If you want to boost your partner’s chance of getting off while you two are getting it on, communication is key, Morse says. She recommends asking questions like “What would turn you on right now?” or “Should I go faster or slower?” or “Should I use my hand or my mouth?” Be sure to give your partner options, advises Morse, rather than simply asking: “Do you like this?”

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You are bad at sex

Morse wants to get one thing straight: No one is bad at sex. Maybe you’re a little less experienced, or haven’t been super active in a while. As long as you’re willing to communicate with your partner, says Morse, you have absolutely nothing to worry about.